Human connection, it is said, that without it we wither up and die. In my experience through my practice as a counselor, I have seen this to be quite true, not actually die, but our life becomes very small and insulated. So many of my clients come into session because they don’t have a friend willing to or able to truly listen, to just listen without judgment or trying to fix the problem. Many of my clients find they don’t have a close enough friend to whom they can turn, to just talk.
To be a friend who can simply listen is a true gift.
When we lack genuine human connection, we can become isolated in our own thoughts. Without the input and perspective of others, our thoughts can spiral negatively, leading to feelings of depression and unhappiness. Talking to someone who actively listens can help us gain a new perspective and alleviate these negative feelings.
Finding a person who can and does listen, however, is not always an easy exercise, people often listen to reply, they don’t listen to hear. Listening is a lost art it seems, I know in my youth I was a very bad listener, however, over time, I taught myself to listen to hear, and understand, no longer listening to fix, but to simply allow a person to talk.
I understand as caring people we often want to help, we want to fix everyone’s ailments, but it’s not usually beneficial to listen only to try and fix another person’s problems, because most times people just want to be heard, they don’t want or need fixing.
We find true connection when we can share our thoughts and feelings with someone who actively listens and understands. This kind of connection can be incredibly valuable and healing. As I said, so many who come into my office are just looking for someone to listen to them. They lack a friend they can talk to. I always feel very satisfied when after a session, my clients will give a big sigh and it is this sigh that indicates to me, “this client has felt heard and feels better”. Their problem may not have been solved, but the fact that they have finally felt heard and felt a connection to another human being gives them some relief from the problem.
True authentic human connection for some comes easily, but for others it is a journey that needs to be navigated and a destination to reach, but once you find connection it is well worth facing the fear reaching out can have, we can experience moving outside of our comfort zone and allowing ourselves to feel the vulnerability.
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